Ozran's Characters Introduction

[ozran]

My name is Ozran, only but a normal human, once a slave to the orcs and other such creatures. Yet I have been taught in the ways of Faldor the Great wizard. As a slave boy I was made to be a thief by the larkz. Every day I would return to them and give them what I had stolen. I first met Faldor when I was trying to steal tibtots (a small form money) from him. For the first time in my life, I was caught stealing. I don’t remember a lot, but I do remember his eyes. Dark emerald that glowed aged his gray beard. I remember the way he looked at me when he grabbed my wrist. A kind old fellow kind of look, like “why are you doing that”.

He being a strong man, I was compelled to stay. Seeing me in my ragged state he showed compassion towards me. Telling him of my awful way of living, he knew my only way out was the way of the wizards. He would come to me secretly, under the cover of night. He would come to me in my room, like a sparkle of gold dust, glimmering in the noon sun. There I would be taught all about the ways of the wizard... even their magic. So there I learned, and now I am 23.

Tomorrow will be my birthday and the celebration of the first full use of my escape from Defon, one of the original slave camps, when Derivon first stared to rule the planet.

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A lot of this is going to be edited for grammer errors, but im looking for constructive criticism.

- Ozran

[Jack]

What I like

• You've avoided virtually ever RP cliche listing I have for characters. Ozran has an interesting background and an overall unusual cross-class composition.

Suggestions

• I generally advise against writing in the first person when doing any sort of roleplay, when both writers are referring to themselves with pronouns, and taking turns writing, it can easily confuse a reader.
  
• For a character sheet, it says remarkable little about your physical appearance. Hair color, length, cut, eye color, stature, garb, equipment, etc. Reading through what you've written I can understand your character's past but I can't picture him.
  
• The words and names you've fabricated, Defon, tibtots, Faldor, and Larkz are abstract and difficult to relate to. I'd suggest finding an online Latin dictionary and finding root words to construct your names from.